Thursday, April 22, 2010

Thoughts of a Twitterless Thinker 4/22/10

My son was rappelling this weekend and got quite a burn on two of his fingers. After school, I took him to the store to buy some more band-aids. He went in by himself and when he came back out, he just had to show me the packaging on the new band-aids. After pointing out tiny Braille bumps on the front of the package he said, “Look, Mom! Band-aids for deaf people!”

We read lots of short stories in my literature classes. On a recent test, one of my students couldn’t remember the author of a story we had just read.
The question was “The Night the Bed Fell” was written by ___________.”

He answered “John Edwards.”

So…I’m lying there at the dentist yesterday with my upper lip anchored somewhere near my nose, some contraption pushing down my lower lip and pulling my mouth wide in a grotesque grin, a block pushing my tongue to one side [and don’t we all know how cute the undersides of our tongues are,] and drool running out of my mouth. 

While I’m trying to avoid listening to a high-pitched drill squeal in my ear, I start thinking.  I’m thinking about how at least two people (my Woody Harrelson look-alike dentist and his assistant) who live in my small community now know what I look like with my face pulled in bizarre directions. Totally not cute. (I learned a long time ago, to never wear lipstick to the dentist or I’d be wearing it on my cheek on the way home.) (Here’s another parenthetical thought—my trip to the dentist meant a huge bowl of chocolate pudding for supper. Nothing else. Isn’t that grand?)

With all that face pulling and drill whining, I started wondering. Is going to the dentist in fact more humiliating than going to That Other Doctor? 

When my dentist meets me on the street and looks at my face, does he really see me with my face all distorted? And no matter how polished I might look that day, is he really remembering how my tongue kept flopping over so he had to restrain it with a dental device? Who would I rather run into downtown, the dentist, or That Other Doctor? A toss-up, for sure.

But on the bright side, having my face contorted and my teeth sandblasted is a lot less painful than moving!  By this time next month I will be cursing like my saintly mother because having moved into my new home, I will not have been able to find anything of importance.

I will be able to find my Iowa library card from 14 years ago (which I will promptly throw away, Janice!  Hee hee!) but not my contact lens case. My cross-stitch project from twelve years ago will be right on top of some box, but my bathrobe will be buried in either the storage unit or the spare room of the new house. Did I ever mention in at least eight or twelve previous posts that I hate moving?  I didn’t?  Well let me tell ya!

I really need to not be so vocal about my distaste for moving because my eleven-year old has begun mimicking me, word for word.  “I hate moving. Why do we have to? The new house is smaller.” 

Whether or not it really is smaller is up for debate. I say it is smaller, my husband says it is bigger. My current landlord’s wife says it is bigger, but my current landlord says it’s smaller. Some friends say, “Oh aren’t you going to be glad to have so much more room?” while others say, “It’s always an adjustment going to someplace smaller, isn’t it?”  

I think the verdict is that inside storage room such as closets and cupboards will be greatly diminished, but outside storage space will be greater. Translate: We’ll have a garage now!  So anytime during the next month if you come to this blog and see nothing but #@#$%$%&^%!!!!!!!!  you will know to quietly sneak back out and come back another day.

I’m going to really stick my neck out and say something daring. I think spring is finally here.  I don’t want to say it too loudly, lest the nature gods try to pull another April Fool’s Day trick.  But today, I looked at our lawn and saw yellow.  Not the normal yellow of Utah grass, but bright dandelion yellow. In addition to seeing yellow, it rained.  Not snowed. Rained. Shhh…

Have you ever had a close friend or relative that you love dearly, but with whom you disagree on almost everything?  I have a loved one like that. We disagree on politics, religion, life outlook, government and pretty much everything else. I think we both love tomatoes.  

The nice thing about having someone like this in my life, is that he causes me to think. Frequently he’ll make a comment that ignites my ire, but when I stop and take a look at what he’s saying, my viewpoint morphs somewhat. I won’t say that I change my views, but my views are tempered.

Last week he said that the more he knows about science, the more he knows there is no God.

That statement threw me, because the more I know about science and mathematics, the more I am convinced that there is a God, and that our universe was not accidentally formed. It only took me a brief layman’s study of Fibonacci numbers in nature and of Pascal’s triangle (and of Fibonacci numbers within Pascal’s triangle!) to know that if I was looking for logic to settle the question of whether or not God existed, I had my proof right there. Of course I had already believed spiritually, so believing logically was just icing.

What do you think? Do science and math lead you to question God’s existence, or to affirm it?

Update: I jinxed myself by mentioning spring! When I woke up this morning, it had snowed!


  1. We are totally AT WAR with our dandelions...which is funny because I USED TO THINK that they were cute, bright little flowers and I loved making wishes by blowing those dandelion seed balls and now I yell at Chris like a crazywoman, DON'T BLOW THOSE IN THE YARD FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! and I know most people are all 'organic gardening!' but I swear I would drop a mini-nuke on my lawn if it would eradicate the dandelions.

  2. Hi Randi
    I know what you mean about the dentist. Another person's hand in your mouth is way too personal and using a drill on you is just spiteful. Isn't it weird that we willingly pay for the privilege to have all that pulling, jabbing and drilling.

    I thought you already moved recently? Perhaps I wasn't listening / reading right.

    God created all the laws and in my book is the greatest scientist. I've never had anyone discuss it with me but I guess that most of what we do is a theory and most of what God has done is something scientists might like to duplicate...all they need is the knowhow.

    Snow! Is that normal for this time of year? We don't expect it now until December-February. It would NOT be welcome right now.

  3. I do sometimes feel like I'm being assaulted in the dentist's chair. I'm exhausted after the experience. I think it is good to disagree once in a while. I like a good debate. I have members of my husband's family who are not good debaters though. They try to push their ideas too harshly when we try to "converse." Now I just sit there and eat my cake. I don't think I'm looking for that kind of harassment.

    Hope the moving goes as well as possible. It's a lousy thing to do. I hate it too.

    Hope your son's fingers heal quickly. Happy Friday Randi!

  4. Enjoyed all of this, but I have to take a crack at your Big Question. I come down on the side of affirmation. I grew up thinking that God created the chicken, but I think that science has quite conclusively proved that He created the egg.


  5. Hayden! So excited to see you! I loved your description of your war on dandelions. May you come out victorious! I used to love dandelions because I think dandelion yellow is the prettiest yellow ever invented. But that pretty yellow doesn't last long before it is gone and before you know it, your whole lawn is covered in the enemy. I actually used to teach my son that dandelion puff balls were "faerie flowers" and you had to blow on them to set all the faeries free.Thank goodness he's too old for that now!

    Ken: Sorry to be so confusing about the moving. I actually can be moved in between May 1-15. You may have thought it was earlier because when I first found out I was moving, I subjected everyone to my Pre-Moving Stress Syndrome. Later I will subject you to my Post-Moving Traumatic Disorder.

    I like that--God is the greatest scientist!

    Snow is really unwelcome here right now. As I write it is snowing again. My optimistic son went to school in short sleeves and no jacket, convinced that the gray skies meant nothing. That'll teach him to listen to the mama!

    septembermom: I agree with you--I don't mind a good debate too, but can't stand it when people tell you that you are ignorant or stupid if you don't believe the way they do. You're right--some people harass more than they debate. I'd just eat my cake too! :)

    I'm hoping the moving goes smoothly too. I have high hopes, since I get a two-week leeway this time. I can start moving in on May 1, but I don't have to be out until May 15. Also, for the first time, I don't have to move and then go to work or teach school the next day. The last day of school is April 30, so I should complain very little this time. :)

    Robert! Based on all your quotes, I thought you might come down on the side of affirmation. I am also so glad to see that you haven't totally cut us Brault junkies off for good. Of course having a bound book in my hands might stop my whining every time you try to take a well-deserved blog vacation.

  6. Randi -

    My "favorite" dentristy nightmare has to be from the movie "Little Shop of Horrors" with Rick Moranis & Steve Martin. Funny, yet at the same time I think we can all relate to the feeling Martin's dentist gives off.


  7. Adam: I've never seen that, but with Rick Moranis and Steve Martin, it has to be hilarious!

  8. Randi -

    If you guys have never seen Little Shop of Horrors, it really is a fun movie. Its basically a musical comedy, here's a clip from the "dentist song"

    Tell Tim that "Police State 4" & "Invisible Empire" are both now up free on Youtube too from Alex if he hasn't seen them yet (he uploaded them to his channel literally the day after they came out). Watching Police State 4 now, really good.

    God Bless,

  9. Randi -

    If you guys have never seen Little Shop of Horrors, it really is a fun movie. Its basically a musical comedy, here's a clip from the "dentist song"

    Tell Tim that "Police State 4" & "Invisible Empire" are both now up free on Youtube too from Alex if he hasn't seen them yet (he uploaded them to his channel literally the day after they came out). Watching Police State 4 now, really good.

    God Bless,

  10. Lol, between you moving and Shell being pregnant all my friends are becoming a lot harder to approach! :P
    You permanently terrified me in regards to ever visiting a dentist, I never would have wondered that before! Now, I will always be wandering through the streets secretly contemplating if people remember me from my most awkward moments. Oh, and thanks for jinxing spring! gosh! :P

  11. Snow, you say? On April 24, 1937, there was a blizzard in Yankton, SD, the day my spouse came into the world. He's hated the cold ever since.

    Love dandelions. Never have viewed them as weeds. They remind me of children. Who among us has not received a bouquet of pretty yellow flowers from a child?

    Whether it's God, or some other debate, I can't tolerate a person who tries to make the other person appear stupid for believing what she/he believes.

  12. Adam--Just watched the dentist video--I felt like the guy clinging to the ceiling--ha ha! Nobody can do it like Steve Martin can do it!
    I told Tim about the videos--he knew about them but has not watched them yet.

    juliegoose--Yeah, I tend to get a little hormonal and a LOT sarcastic when I'm in moving mode. :) Sorry about the spring thing. I tried to keep it low key but the weather man must read this blog.

    Auntie M---Wow, you'd think having a baby in April would be a safeguard against having it during a blizzard! I found a cute poem about dandelions that I used on a scrapbook page with photos of Jere in the dandelions. If I come across it during moving I'll post it. I agree with you there on that last point.


You won't be paid for it, but at least you'll know that you have contributed intelligence to the universe...

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