My grandson, Avatar, to his mother Em: " I want knife rings, star daggers, a ninja suit, a samurai sword (but only when I am ten,) and cayenne pepper and chili powder and chopped up jalapenos so I can make a ninja paste."
Toddler in cart to weary father in Walmart: "I want Mommy."
Father, sighing: "How novel."
Me: "We bought Weston's school supplies today. You know, I really love shopping for school supplies."
Ex-husband: "I know. The Office Depot catalog always was like porn to you."
Weston, to me: "Mom, you should eat more of this Special K stuff. It says here you'll lose six pounds in two weeks!"